i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
