So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
