im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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