my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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