I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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