I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
