he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
