my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
