I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
