The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
