do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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