i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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