The best revenge is premature balding
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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