i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
