im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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