dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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