Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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