i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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