don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i need some magic done to my vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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