My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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