Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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