'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
