omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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