Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
