you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
