he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize