Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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