Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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