I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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