Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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