Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
