I feel great
I just peed on a car
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
