His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
