You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
