6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
