She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
