Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
