I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize