i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
