when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
