Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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