God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
