so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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