Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
