Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just threw up on my dentist
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
