I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
