We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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