So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
