Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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