You're my little dorito
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
