I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize