I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
