my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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