You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
