I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
