i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
