It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
