My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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