no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
