i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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