If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
