nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This baby is an asshole
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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