Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think your dad took our porno
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
