i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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