Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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