glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
