I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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