Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
