So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
