The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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