I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
