can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
