Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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