Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
