haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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