I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
