You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
