ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
