omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
