Nicole vs. Life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
there is glitter all over my balls
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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